anahata_mahat

I've decided to drop men all together and stick with the lesbianism! Who's with me??? Anyone? Anyone? Men are seriously mucked in the head. I know women can be a little insane at times too, but I would like to give it a try. So if anyone knows some level-headed, of-sound-mind women...let me know!!! ;) mmm k

Men are stupid, that is why they are good for labour.

That's it! I'm single! If I ever start to write about some guy I want to date, for the love of everything that is yummy, warn me not to!!!!!!! :P

MMM Swedish Berries!

Oh boy. I'm in one of those moods when I just don't know what to do with myself. Perhaps I’m just tired. Though, I shouldn’t be because I slept over 12 hours last night. School is going alright; it’s very busy at the moment. We have lots of assignments to finish and one more mid-term to ‘study’ for. I’m really worried about my grads, I haven’t been applying myself as much as I had in the first semester. Work is going just fine. There was a store meeting that was mandatory for people to attend. However, not everyone showed up last time even though they are so adamant everyone must show up. I just couldn’t manage to get out of bed. When I woke up this morning mom was gone shopping so there was no one to talk to. I ate breakfast, took a shower and checked my mail, than went back to bed.
The new guy hasn’t been feeling well lately, so he’s been really quiet. I’m confused again over whether or not I truly want to be with him or if I am delaying ending it because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Since he’s so inexperienced (but legal…he’s 19) I don’t want his first experiences with a girl to be bad. However, is postponing what is inevitably going to happen going to hurt him more? I think I may only be second guessing myself because I spoke with my ex and told him I was dating someone else. He expressed, once again, how stupid he feels breaking up with me was. I also had a nice dream about him and am thinking I want to be with him again. I don’t know how or why I get myself into these situations. It wasn’t supposed to be like this at all.
It’s all just a little too much at the moment.
I had more to say, but am just too tired to write.

Porn Star Ball is on Wednesday. YOU should go. LOL

People see calmness in your eyes. You like to keep
cool in a crisis. You know that if you don't
panic, things will be worked out much quicker
and with fewer hitches. People probably end up
feeling less worried when they are around you.
You've got a good attitude. Keep it up.


What can people see in your eyes?(great ANIME pics)((IMPROVED!!!))
brought to you by Quizilla

This is a totally lame publicity stunt to ban Harry Potter and get $40 million from Warner Brothers. $40 million is not even a reasonable amount for a trademark issue!!!! Fucking money-grubbing trash!

Harry Potter movie banned in Canada?

I am speachless...
and undescribibly furious...
I just watched the MSN clip on the two twin girls who are white nationalists.
They have created their own band, with just the two of them, singing pro-white songs.
Not only are they ridiculous and obviously wrong, but they can't even sing!!!!!!!

I watched the 16 minute clip and couldn't believe what I heard and saw. I urge anyone and everyone to watch the news clip if they can find it. Apparently they girls were brought up this way by there mother, who was in turn brought up that way by her father. I can't believe people still exists who believe in this kind of bull crap. I have absolultey NO tolerance for people who are so ignorant and won't evolve along with the world. I don't understand how people can have so much blatant hate for people. I honestly feel embarassed for them. It makes me very sad and angry (I don't usually get so angry), but I was thinking wouldn't it be interesting if somehow they were stuck in a place where they were them obvious minority, with no way to get home, and have to live amongst a non-white culture. I'm sure these people are even too scared to even expose themselves to such foreign experiences. I would much rather be exposed to many different people and experience THEN form an apropriate opinion, than walk through life having an unpresidented opinion.

I would like to take this opportunity to inform the public (or at least my friends) of all the new or returning shows this season I think are awesome. They are:

Monday - (So far, I watch nothing on this day...so if you know of any cool shows, let me know)
Tuesday - Bones
Supernatural
Wednesday - LOST
Invasion
Thursday - Alias
CSI
Friday -(I go out usually this night...
Saturday - (Usually working)
Sunday - Simpsons
Family Guy
(I think there is something else this day, but I forget)

Alright, the ex had admitted to being an idiot for breaking it off with me and has also said I was not what he needed space from. The new boy 'really wants us to work', and I would too, if it weren't for the ex; whom I am still in love with. I don't want to upset the new guy by breaking it off and I don't necessarily want to break it off because what if the ex decides in a month he needs space again, and again, and again.
Where is my therapist when you need him!!!

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving everyone!!!! I hope everyone had a GREAT long weekend with family and friends and got the chance to eat lots and lots of pumpkin pie and turkey (or your choice of dessert and tofurkey). I had a pretty good weekend. I did absolutley nothing! When I say nothing, I mean I didn't do any homework. Which I really should have because we have quite a few assignments to complete as well as out first mid-term tomorrow! (bum bum buuummmmmm)
I did, however, spend a lovely evening with a new friend on friday. Well, it was more like a date. It was with the guy I met at the concert last Sunday (Oct 2). We went for dinner on Elgin St., and later played pool. He look sooooo sexy, wearing all black, picture this big ball of sexiness: tight(ish) black t-shirt (of one of his fav. bands), black pants and shoes (similar to Doc. Martin's), two leather bands on each wrist, silver rings, earings, and chain (but on him it doesn't look stupid). His hair is short (buzz cut) and he has facial hair on is chin. He's 6'1" and HUGE!!! lol He works out everyday (doing some sort of exercise at least), though, he doesn't look like he is all muscle (instead of brains).
We had pretty good conversation too. I think he was a bit nervous around me, or at least in general, because there were a few pauses where I'm sure he didn't know what to say. He also confided in me something about his past and a 'disorder' he has. Which I thought was very brave of him. I, in turn, told him about my history with the same kind of problems (depression). He felt very relieved that I didn't think he was a freak and imediately relaxed. I think he is a great person. A little naive when it comes to women, but that's not his fault...I will just get to teach him a few things ;)
However, my ex has been contacting me. He is ready to hang out again, and has been describing how I am not someone to easily forget, and how he thinks about us sometimes....yadda.
I had told the new guy I wasn't interested in starting anything serious (because I wanted to see what was happening btw the ex and I, though I didn't tell him that), but I think he would like it for us to spend more time together and possibly start something. I am so confused now because I never meant to date anyone until I knew what was going on with the ex, but I don't think it's fair to day no to someone for that reason when I don't even know myself if he really wants to be with me.
I have no idea if I am explaining this right.
I have to run, but will edit this crazy entry later!!!
Chow for now.

So I went to the Ted Leo concert on Sunday with my friend. For those who don't know who Ted Leo & the Pharmasists are, I guess you would describe them as indie rock; think the O.C. (the t.v. show). They're not overly mellow and depressing though, more up beat and loud!!! I keep forgetting to bring my earplugs :S

I was introduced to Ted Leo (and other bands like him) through Jason (ex bf). He was suppose to go to the concert, but is in Regina until Monday night, so I decided to go. I will admit, a little part of me was hoping to see one of his friends at the concert, so they could see me with Sean (who is actually my best friend, but they wouldn't know that lol) and it would somehow get mentioned to Jason I was there with a guy....

Now, I've never picked up at a bar before, but I managed to make eye contact with this guy who didn't look like everyone else there who were mostly unshaven and grubby. *though, unshaven can be very sexy, when the rest of you looks like poop...you do too.

I complimented his shirt of the band Tool as he walked by to go outside with his friend. When he came back I asked him what his name was and for some crazy reason I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He didn't so we continued talk. I ended up driving him and his friend home. He lives with his parents just off the Ottawa River (Main St. area). $$$$ much?
Turns out....he is 19!!!!!! I thought he was at least 23. For those who don't know my history, I usually go for guys who are older, if not MUCH, older than me. He seems nice though. He doesn't do any drugs, doesn't smoke and was very polite and not cocky.

Of course I couldn't help but think about Jason though. For example, I made a joke I know Jason would have laughed at, but the guy didn't get it at all and when you have to explain it...its not funny anymore.

I am still working on the whole moving on thing. I think I'm doing alright so far!
Thanks to mikepictor for those insightful words a while back :D

I am so behind on my readings for school, it's not funny. I have no motivation. My excuse at the beginning of the year was Jason and now that I can't use him as an excuse I have nothing and yet I am still DOING nothing. I've tried to read here and there, but it really isn't happening. I should really just plop myself down in the quiet area in the library and read for a few hours. I also think I am going to quit the pet store soon. I have been working there for nearly 3 years and I'm getting a tad tired of it. I really dislike putting away all those heavy bags of dog food, which results in me becoming very, very sweaty and having a sore back the next day. I do have another job, but it pay $1 less and doesn't give commission (not that I care about the stupid commission anyway). The new job is also 20 minutes further away than the pet store. I really do like working at the new place. My schedule is constant (or should be for a while): Tuesdays - 6pm-11pm and Saturdays - 5pm-10pm. So I still have time to do homework before I go and go out after work if I want...which I usually don't.
My head is also filled with guys. I know I love(d) Jason, and now that I don't have him (at the moment)...it's all craziness in my head. The whole not knowing thing; if we're going to date again. Why am I so obsessed with finding a partner? I guess it's one less stress I would have to worry about? By why does it have to be the first stress to go? I have no idea. I blame it on Disney. Their movies are based that the 'Princess' will end up with the 'Prince', her true love, and they live forever happy in a big house and yadda yadda.
So, I want my prnice charming. However, at the moment, I am just so confused I want to go back to my old habbits and just have random fun with random guys. That's not healthy for me though, and I know it. I can't help it though...I feel this way and I am doing my best to resist the urge to grab the next guy I see and....

I think I missed my therapist appointment this week.

I had the talk with Jason tonight. It went well, I think. We weren't yelling at each other, thought we never have before, I don't think yelling is in our personalities. I told him I understand he needs time to relax and gather his thoughts. I know his life is really messed up right now and the last this I would want if I was in his situation is someone else wanted to take up time I don't have. He leaves for Regina on Tuesday for a week, with hope this will give him some time to relax and be away from all the ppl currently living in his apartment. After that he will be going back to Sudbury. It would have been awesome if I could have gone with him, but we decided it would be best to hang out after about a month or so to give him some time to organize his life. I told him I realized we both have the right to see other ppl, but that since I still really care for him and I don't want anyone else right now, it would be nice if he kept me in mind for when he is ready to hang out. he agreed and said that he wouldn't be forgetting about me anytime soon.
So there. I have my closure. Though, it's not over yet. I hope we do get to hang out. He really is an awesome guy. I feel bad his life is so messed up right now. I had hoped I could help him get trough it, but some ppl get through things better on their own.

Thanks to crimsonhorizon for all your advice, and for listening, again, to one of my guy problems. At least this one was worth it!!! :D

My 'perfect' boyfriend just broke up with me.

The trip to Sudbury went well. The parents loved me; which was very relieving. His mom was so sweet, reminded me very much of my own mom, so I felt very welcome and comfortable talking with her. They also have two Chinese Crested Powder Puff dogs, Kaiya and Flurry, which are like the hairless Chinese Crest only they have hair....lol. They both have short curly hair, making them look like puppies still, and are extremely well trained. They also LOVED me, I assume, since apparently they never cuddle up with strangers and they did with me right away. The last day Kaiya came into my room in the morning before Jason's mom got out of bed, which she NEVER does. So the mom is mad at her now. lol (not really)
I believe his friends also approved of me and found me really funny too. I started to worry though because I started to notice things that irritated me. For example, he can be very competitive at times and will be quiet after a game he has not done well in which to me looks like he’s pouting. Then I began to worry more because I am never satisfied and I just met his parents and friends and they liked me and I don’t want to hurt him and yadda yadda… Last night, though, while lying in bed, I really missed him. I wished he was beside me holding me. I realized that even though there may be things that bug me I think I really really do like him. I would be sad if we separated at any time now. I hope he still feels strongly about me. Today when he called he seemed distant and not willing to call. It has been like that the last couple of times I spoke with him on the phone. Though, I suppose he wouldn’t have called if he really didn’t want to talk to me. Also, he mentioned something that I say that irritates him. It’s when I speak to ppl like they are animals…(You’re just the cutest, aren’t you? Yes you are…). I do this bc I have worked with animals in retail (pet store) for almost 3 years and have to be excited to see almost every dog/cat/whatever that comes in. I’ll have to watch myself from now on. I don’t want to muck this up. It’s been a month so far….here’s hope’in.

My friend made an interesting observation today concerning the flooding in New Orleans. I had mentioned that I was sad because I never got to go to the city and experience all the historical sites that were (are still kinda) there. He mentioned how the Americans are so upset over the beautiful city being ruined, and all that history distroyed, yet (some) had no problem supporting their country bombing the countries overseas. Most of those cities being much older than North America, containing tons of history now lying in ruins because of those bombings.
My mom was watching a news station covering the flooding and it kinda made me angry because she was making 'awe'noises, but I suppose she would have made the same concerned noises for the countries overseas as well.
Not starting on the war overseas, I would just like to say that it doesn't matter what kind of ppl are killing who, all that matter is that ppl are killing ppl and that's sick.
END RANT.

Going to Sudbury tomorrow to meet the bf's parents; wish me luck.

I burnt my head with my flat iron. It was very hot. My head hurts now.

So I know this person who drives a dump truck. I was on the phone with him when he had to excuse himself from our conversation to answer to a woman knocking on his truck window while he was parked on the side of the road. After a few mumbled words he comes back on the phone and we finish our conversation.
The next day I find out that the woman who knocked on his window was some random person TELLING him to turn off his truck because he was polluting the air and all this man did in response to the woman’s demand was roll up his window and move down the road. Well, the woman didn’t like that so she followed him on foot, knocked on his window and told him to turn off his truck again; this happened one more time.
I would first like to commend this woman for the obviously gi-normous size of her you-know-whats. She is obviously very brave…or extremely stupid. Never in a million years would I ever approach a truck driver and dare to tell what to do. If she had approached anyone but this man she would have gotten a lot more than a rolling-up of his window in response. I am actually proud the man did only that.
I am a huge supporter of Environmental Rights and would normally support this woman if she were talking about care idling. Once a truck is turned on though, its very hard to turn it off then turn it back on again, especially every time they have to idle before picking up or dropping off another load.
Clearly this woman knows NOTHING about trucks (or drivers) or she would have bit her tongue.
Also, I would NEVER give the finger to a truck driver, OR cut him/her off; especially while driving on the highway (or anywhere they could identify a personal belonging of mine…like my car…). True, transport drivers are bastards and NEVER let you in and cut you off…but how would you like to spend your life in a truck?